In an Instagram video on Saturday, Hannah Brown apologized for using the N-word -- and for filming herself while intoxicated -- two weeks ago on the same social media platform.
The “Bachelorette” star, 25, faced an angry backlash on social media when she posted an Instagram Live video of herself on May 16, singing the lyrics to DaBaby’s “Rockstar.” In the video, Brown appeared hesitant when she came to the racial slur, but sang it anyway. She posted a text-only apology the next day. However, a significant portion of her 2.8 million followers found it insufficient.
Other stars from Bachelor Nation chimed in, and the controversy continued.
Brown, an Alabama native, has been absent from social media during the aftermath, but she broke her silence shortly after 5:30 p.m. CT on Saturday with an 18-minute video. Its tone was earnest and humble; at times, Brown seemed on the verge of tears.
“The first thing I have to do is take accountability for my actions and my words for the last time I was on here,” Brown said. "I’m really nervous, because this means a lot to me, and I’ve just been waiting and waiting. … I just can’t stay silent anymore. ...
“Two weeks ago, while I was on an Instagram Live, I attempted to talk, sing, a popular TikTok dance, and I recited the N-word and it was a part of the song,” Brown said. “I initially didn’t even know it was happening … and I couldn’t imagine that I’d used it, and so I immediately denied it. It is a word that I always (omit), like in the case of an F-word, when I was on the Live. I tried to defend myself, but between being intoxicated, which I am also not proud of, and just being embarrassed and confused, I just made it a whole lot worse. And It really wasn’t until that next morning that, like, reality really set in, that I had said it, and I at that point was just so … there was just a rush of emotions. I was embarrassed. I was disappointed. … I felt … just so much shame on me.”
Brown said she’s spent the last couple of weeks educating herself about racial issues -- reading books, listening to podcasts, watching videos and studying with help from a tutor.
“I have been on a journey the past two weeks,” Brown said. "Up until this experience I realize that I never had hard empirical critical conversations about race. I have been journaling a lot and I kept thinking, ‘How did this … Why did I say this? I don’t know what I said this, I don’t say this word. I don’t sing that word.’ I was journaling and praying one day and one Scripture, like, really, just hit me in my heart. ... ‘Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.’ And I thought to myself, ‘If I can say this word slipped out of my mouth, then what slipped into my heart?’ And that was a really serious realization to have in a moment I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
“For the past two weeks I’ve been completely focused on educating myself," Brown continued. "I actually decided to hire an educator who has been helping me with one-on-one support asking the hard questions and really helping to help me understand the things that I’ve never even been taught or learned or been a part of my education ever before.”
Brown, wearing a T-shirt and pink cap, faced the camera squarely at times, and averted her eyes at others.
“To be honest, I didn’t know a lot,” Brown said. "The thing is, I don’t want to be ignorant anymore. I don’t want to be an ignorant white girl who uses the N-word. But I also don’t want to be someone who goes on their platform intoxicated and engages in their platform that way. I’ve learned that I have to take a lot of responsibility and accountability for my actions. … I realize the most impactful thing that I can do is talk to people like me and to not be complicit with the problem, but take accountability for the times where I have been. And I’m not going to do that anymore,” Brown said.
Brown also had a message for fans who’ve been defending her actions amid the controversy.
“I do want to say something to my fans. It feels really weird to be able to say fans. I’m really thankful for people who believe in me and support me and want to do that, but I have to be really clear on this,” Brown said. "Do not … If you want to support me, do not defend me. What I did, what I said, was indefensible. And do not send hateful messages to people who are holding me accountable.
“If you want to support me, then just continue to encourage me to be better,” Brown said. "And go on this journey with me. I have so many resources now, and have been educated in a way that I never have before, and it has lit a fire inside me to not be a part of this problem anymore, and you shouldn’t either. Take the resources that I have and let’s be better together.
“But I don’t need anybody to defend me for what I did, because what I said, what I did was wrong. But I’m hoping that ... what I did was wrong, but what I didn’t know even before is the worst part of it. It’s the ignorance. But I’m no longer ignorant. And I’m no longer gonna be a part of the problem," Brown said.
Brown had a notebook at hand that detailed the points she wanted to make, and she referred to it occasionally. Mostly, however, she appeared to need no prompting.
“I know a lot of you are disappointed in me, and trust me, I’ve been very disappointed in myself,” Brown said. "But I know these words don’t fix anything. My grandaddy always used to say, ‘Sorry doesn’t fix it.’ And sorry doesn’t fix it. But I promise that when you learn the things that you didn’t know before, it changes your heart and your convictions like never before. And I promise you that I will not be a part of the problem anymore from ignorance. I will be a part of the solution, and you will see that.
“So from the bottom of my heart, I’m so sorry," Brown said. "I’m so sorry to everyone that I hurt and that I disappointed. And I promise to continue doing better. I promise. I have learned and taken away so much from this, and it’s been so eye-opening in a way that has really changed my life. And I’ll never say I dreamed of something like this, something that I did to hurt so many people. But in a way I’m in it, and in a way I’m grateful for it, because I now know, and will keep doing whatever I can to learn more and to support those out there and be a part of the solution.”
As of 8:30 p.m. on Saturday, Brown’s video had more than 570,000 views and more than 75,000 likes on Instagram. She also posted a quote from Ricardo Levin Morales, a Minneapolis artist who writes about social justice and advocates for change.
Brown, a Tuscaloosa native, was the Season 15 star of “The Bachelorette" and the Season 28 winner of “Dancing with the Stars.” She won a 2019 People’s Choice Award and is a former Miss Alabama USA. Brown graduated in 2017 from the University of Alabama. Prior to her reality TV fame, she worked as an interior decorator in Northport.
Before the controversy erupted, Brown had been active on social media during the coronavirus pandemic, posting dance videos on TikTok and photos and videos on Instagram.