Dear Eric: I’m in my early 20s and just ended a five-year relationship with my boyfriend. I find myself really conflicted about whether to move back to the state I grew up in or stay where I am for another year.
I work remotely for a company based there, so I’d be able to work in person after moving. All my close friends and family are back there. The only reason I originally moved to where I am now is because of my ex but there’s something holding me back from just packing up and leaving.
Part of it is that this place is on the coast. I love the water and how green it is. The lifestyle, while more expensive than back home, really agrees with me. I’ve also worked really hard over the past two years I’ve been here to build a life for myself. I’m actively involved in the local community and have some new friends, but I really long for my friends and family too. Do you have any advice on how to decide between two places?
– Two Homes
Dear Homes: I’ve felt the push-pull of deciding between a place of origin and a new home. In fact, my last book of essays, “Congratulations, the Best Is Over!” followed the journey of moving back home after decades away.
Here’s what I learned: when you move to a new place and start your life over, you change a lot, you learn a lot about yourself, and you become more at home in your skin. Should you choose to move back home, you’ll be bringing all that new knowledge back with you. This could be a perfect time to reset.
Go back home and visit with the intention of moving. Really pay attention to what it would feel like to be a new person in this welcoming old space. You may find that you’ve outgrown your original home and the longing you feel is just nostalgia. But for now, listen to the longing and see what’s underneath.
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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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